Since I’ve Been Gone

Forgive me for the Kelly Clarkson reference, but I literally couldn’t help myself, it was sitting there like old bread in the fridge, waiting to be used. Eh eh (clears throat). Anyway, suffice it to say I’ve been gone from blogging for a little while. I had some family things going on that I needed to tend to, not to mention the fact that winter was sucking the life out of my soul as it does each year. I mean really, once Christmas and the New Year have passed, winter is the guest that has more than overstayed his welcome. It’s time to go winter, you be killin’ my vibe son. (I’ve also been watching too much of The League, my vernacular has been experiencing some detrimental changes.)

If my tongue in cheek demeanor and new blog post haven’t made it clear: I’m back.

You’re welcome.

The Banned List

Not up in here

Image via http://www.ps3hax.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Banned.gif

When I was a wee one in high school, we would observe Banned Books Week. If you’re unfamiliar with this, it’s a week during which people share and read various books that have been banned over the years due to content. I would get so excited to read these books because it felt so taboo (clearly I didn’t have much of a life) and then I would read the whole book and realized it was banned because page 137 and the word “witch” on it. What a buzz kill, those books were banned for some bullshit reasons. However, lately I’ve been thinking about my own list of things that should be banned for legitimate reasons. The following is a list of clothes that I wish to never see on people’s backs ever again.

5. Ed Hardy
I feel as though this has been said, but not enough people are listening. Please, please, PLEASE stop wearing Ed Hardy. This is not cute. It simply does not look good. I’m not even sure if those Jersey Shore guys are wearing it anymore, if they are I’m sure it’s for the show’s benefit, and they probably pull the shirts over their heads with remorse. It’s not just guys, women are trying (the operative word being TRYING because there is ZERO success.) to incorporate it into their outfits as well. Ed Hardy rain boots are not an appropriate exception. There is no exception. Just stop.

4. Graphic Tees
Whoa calm down, not all of them, just the ones that don’t make any sense. Time and time again, I’ll be out shopping and someone is either wearing or reaching for one of those tees with tribal art and then a random wolf’s head atop a lone tree. What? What is that? These people aren’t even wearing these shirt’s ironically. These graphic tees have got to go.

3. Fleece Vests
This one was pointed out to me by a very close friend, and I have to whole-heartedly agree. So what happened, your chest was cold, but your arms didn’t get the memo? I’m not following. Then what happens, you wear a long sleeve shirt, so you chest is twice as hot as your arms? Do you buy separate sleeves and then forgo an actual shirt? Are you seeing how the value of a fleece vest is limited. And fleece is different from a bubble vest. If I’m committing to a bubble vest, it’s safe to say that I’m layering for the cold, but fleece is more of a fall/spring item, and reaching a happy medium with it will be difficult. Don’t do it.

2. Pointed boots.
Remember this: round-toe is the way to go. Pointed pumps you may be able to get away with, but boots?? I don’t think so. I have yet to see pointed boot that has looked fashionable since the turn of the century. I was at a bar a couple months back and a girl thought she was rocking a pair of these. She had on a stretchy, black corset top, a red, bodycon skirt and pair of those god-awful boots. It wasn’t Halloween, she just looked bad. Leave those boots alone.

She said “Ooh, I look GOOD.”
Image via http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3453/3765897105_4b97022028.jpg

 

1. Thigh High Boots
This needs little explanation. Stripper shoes.

Kimye and the Baby Devil

“My dreams have come true!”                                                       Image via http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pregnant-doll.jpg

Kidding. I have to say that I will not be posting this rapidly in the future, hopefully a post every day or other day. However, recent news in gossip has dragged my hands to my keyboard again. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are having a baby? Are we prepared for this? According to TMZ, on December 30, 2012, Kanye made the announcement during a concert in Atlantic City. He stated “God brought us a whole new plan baby. ‘Cause now you’re having my baby.”

Ignoring the cheesy lyrics this is huge news for Kimye fans, and means diddly squat to those of us who are indifferent. However, I thought that this was an interesting development considering Kim’s highly publicized relationship disasters. In my last post I talked about women feeling inadequate because they are of X age and still haven’t found love or the right job, etc and so forth. It makes me wonder if Kim has this fear as well. She’s in her thirties, unmarried, previously without any kids and sandwiched between two sisters who have relatively successful relationships. Pressure much?

Kim hasn’t even been with Kanye for a year. As a matter of fact, the gossip world is still reeling from her 72 day marriage and the jokes about it haven’t even died down yet. Now she’s in another world-wind romance that has led to a baby in less than a year. Well, at least she didn’t do anything permanent like get married again. Holy shit, wait, BABIES ARE AS PERMANENT AS IT GETS!!!!!!

Hmmm… I guess we’ll have to wait this one out. Best of luck Kimye…?

Here’s the link to TMZ’s original report on the announcement. What do you think? Will they make good parents?

http://www.tmz.com/2012/12/30/kim-kardashian-pregnant-kanye-west-baby-announcement/

So It’s a New Year…

Here in NYC the New Year’s celebrations are in full swing and while everyone is sharing smooches, they’re also sharing their lame New Year’s Resolutions. Let’s go through a few:

1. I’m going to the gym/losing weight.
2. I’m going to find love this year.
3. I’m going to break up with my shitty boyfriend/girlfriend.
4. I’m going to take risks.
5. I’m going to be more responsible.

Bullshit.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having goals. Goals are great, but you should know that goals don’t come around once a year. They don’t have a start time and New Year’s should not be the only time we decide to better our lives. If you want to go to the gym, do it to be healthy, not to fulfill some silly goal of looking like Jillian Michaels (who would want to, she looks insane.) If you want to find a significant other, please don’t go out there manically searching for the right one, then coming off as bat-shit crazy. You have a shitty boyfriend, toss him, preferably before the New Year if he sucks so much and if you want to take more risks or be more responsible, just do it already. The New Year isn’t a magic lamp. Do you and do what it takes.

But do take advantage of the New Year Gym memberships, it’s like they’re handing them out for free ;).

Happy New Year!!